THE BAD BOY LIMP

I've always assumed that the lyrics of the song below are satirical.

Apparently this man doesn't.

(Depending on how much you value your current job, this song could easily be adapted into an entertaining jigsaw listening).

GOLDIE LOOKIN CHAIN - BAD BOY LIMP

If you wanna make money then you’ve gotta think fast,
Phone Claims Direct cos there’s a nail in yer arse,
It’s very simple this is one step of two,
First hurt yourself, then claim you wanna sue
Venereal gash, or is it just whiplash?
Call it what you want, just get the fukkin cash.
Cash or cheque, trip or fall,
You gets over a grand if you rips off yer balls,
Can I get a witness? You got a cut or a bruise,
Now yer talking business,
Oh son put yer face in the fire,
If you lose both eyes then the price goes higher,
I went to the doctors cos I felt funny, now Claims Direct, they’re giving me money,
Pick up the phone, the number is free, remember kids,
No win no fee!

Chorus-
Ring now, no win no fee,
It's gotta be true cos it's on the TV,
Ring now, its money for free,
It's gotta be true cos it's on the TV

The bad boy limp is tellin’, you know what type of shit I’m selling.
I walks funny and I gets respect, my limp’s paid for by Claims Direct,
Cut off two toes and got gangrene, now I walks with a gangster lean,
I did it in work, no win no fee, I got four grand and shpmobilityyyy
Shopmobility shop shopmoblilty
Shopmobility shop shopmoblilty
Shopmobility shop shopmoblilty
Shopmobility shop shopmoblilty

Chorus-
Ring now, no win no fee...

I wears a stone in the sole of my shoe,
It makes me walk proper when I’m hanging with my crew,
What do I mean? I’ll try to explain,
Being fukkin razz means you gotta take some pain,
Like I said, I wears a stone, other techniques have been used that are known,
I used a marble, it made me walk funny,
Like Jeremy Beadle’s hand giving me money,
For a prize that I won on a show, for having a bad boy limp and smoking blow,
Put on your trainer, feel the Hi-Tec glow, insert a two-inch nail into the foot below.
The bad boy, the bad boy limp,
A little bit of gravel makes you walk like a pimp,
The bad boy, the bad boy limp,
The harder you look the more you walks like a gimp

Chorus-
Ring now, no win no fee...

Yer bird checks me when yer havin a drink, I got ten fags and a bad boy limp,
If you wanna start, clart, give it a go,
S’like Heather Mills giving McCartney a (blank),
Not working now cos I’m on the sick, my bad boy limp sorts the benefits,
I lurch round town with my mates at an angle, Leisurewear, bling-bling, fukkin jingle jangle,
You knows I’m safe, so check my stance, walking around Argos like I shat my pants.
Ah, tick-tock we don’t stop, I limp like a leper when I go down the shop,
A Ginsters pasty, a can of Panda Pop, then it’s off down the council cos my benefit’s stopped,
Injury - it’s the name of the game, fuckin up yer body for the Goldie Lookin Chain,
One toe is six weeks, one leg is a year, do a Vincent Van Gogh, get more money for beer.

Chorus-
Ring now, no win no fee...

Forget the bones that your breaking, think about the cash you're making
Forget the bones that your breaking, think about the cash you're making
Forget the bones that your breaking, think about the cash you're making
Forget about the bones your breaking, think about the cash you're making