‘ALLO ‘ALLO, IT AIN’T HALF HOT MUM AND HI-DE-HI

Today was one of those rare occasions when I had a light feeling in my chest that intimated a genuine relief at being a TEFL teacher. These sentiments seem to coincide with a caffeine rush, and tend to pass quickly, so I have decided to register my glee despite the late hour.

It started with a lesson which surpassed all expectations. I had been warned that I would be giving a class in-company to one of the owners of a small rubber factory (they make rubber products - the factory is made of steel, concrete, etc) and, given that his level was, as a colleague of mine used to groan, “pond life”, I was expecting the usual struggle to maintain even the most basic level of communication for a full hour and a half whilst maintaining a suitably Business English, collared shirt air about things. I had been provided with a couple of sheets with exercises, but to my delight, the affable stick launched into an animated, if barely comprehensible, ‘Allo ‘Allo-style presentation of his “fuctory”, which makes “voolcanizéd perts for motorbeak indoostrie”, complete with a tour and free earplugs. I like it when students usurp your best-laid plans and take over the class; it brings a spontaneous, living-on-the-edge drama to proceedings that TEFL generally lacks.

The fuctory occupies an area equivalent to a small fast food concession at Bournemouth’s Dean Court football stadium – nevertheless, it took us forty-five minutes to review the shopfloor troops, who were sweltering in temperatures well into the forties amid the pungent scents of burnt and/or burning rubber, sweat and cheap aftershave. Every now and then my guide would delve into a tub of rubber products and pull one out, then stretch it until it snapped, or didn’t, according to where it was in the production process, which I admit I hadn’t fully grasped by the time we ambled back into our air-conditioned office overlooking the production line, where the dehydrated bods looked at their watches and willed their lives away for another day whilst we sipped mineral water and made polite, if largely unintelligible, chit chat.

Then it was back to the school to a class of two new students, including one Carla Morgan. Apparently her great-grandfather was of Cambrian build and ended up here by means as yet unclear. She didn’t know any Goldie Lookin Chain though, despite my impromptu medley.

What gives you light feelings in your chest? Do you know anyone who resembles an ‘Allo ‘Allo character? Looking at the above picture, which do you suspect is Welsh and which Brazilian? (They were roughly the same age when the photographs were taken.)