LEARNING ENGLISH BY JULY

I’ve started teaching on Saturdays. Normally this is against both my principles, but as I’m currently teaching only 13 hours per week, I have bent to the will of my spouse and assorted creditors and now complete a marathon of weekend English instruction. I drive 10km east to start my first class at 8.00 in the morning, then drive 70km west for a choir rehearsal from 10.00 until 12.00, before refueling at home at around 12.30. After that, I’m back east for classes from 13.50 until 18.50. Last Saturday was the first attempt and I survived more or less intact, though I missed listening to the Six Nations over the Internet and threw a suitably measured tantrum.

The second of my afternoon classes had an ominous tone about it when an exasperated executive declared that he wanted to be speaking English by July. “I’ve started over and over again about seven times in different schools,” he nearly wept, “and I just don’t get beyond the verb to be. I can’t take any more being.” Part of me wanted to respond to his existential moaning by suggesting he plug the pie-hole and learn to be like the rest of them, but the part of me that hasn’t yet died found his comments somewhat intriguing, if overbearingly familiar. Is it possible to learn to speak a language in 5 months having 3 classes a week, I ask?

When I came to Brazil I made a conscious decision not to study Portuguese. Before the accusations fly that I am a Little Englander, what I mean is that I decided to “pick up” the language naturally, without formal study. It was an interesting experience. At first I felt like a toddler, understanding more and more of the messages being directed at me, soiling myself occasionally, yet unable to do more than make sporadic grunting noises in response to others’ attempts at communication. Then, little by little I began to utter words like “Mummy” and the like, and before long I was discussing the allegorical aspects of Ariosto’s Orlando Furioso with anyone sufficiently bedridden.

Another technique I also found useful was to silently have pretend conversations in Portuguese with an imaginary friend. I do that in English too, but it certainly helped me progress through the often dense forest that is Portuguese grammar. After around 18 months I was speaking the local tongue better than any other foreign language I’ve ever sought to learn, including Italian, which I spent 4 years at University in England and Italy studying between beers. I don’t know Portuguese grammar, but I know what’s right and wrong because I’ve heard it or read it, proving that it’s possible to become fluent in a language without it being like learning the rules of Physics – indeed, I would posit that I’m more fluent because I didn’t learn the grammar – I’ve never had to hesitate to remember a grammar rule, I simply say what “sounds” right. The question is: can this be transposed into the TEFL classroom?

I suspect a number of readers are fellow linguists. I invite your feedback on your language learning experiences, which I may collate and put into a book and sell all over the world and make millions and retire and live a life all fine port and cufflinks and Italian suits and… (I’m crying at this point)…

What are your language learning experiences? Do you have imaginary friends? Have friends or relatives ever tried to section you under the Mental Health Act? Is it possible to learn a language in 5 months? Should students plug their pie-holes and learn “to be” in the traditional way? Please feel free to detail your experiences with tongues other than your own.

----------------
Now playing: Barenaked Ladies - If I Had a Million Dollars
via FoxyTunes