Special Brewman has enquired how the singing Poles are getting on with the brasileiras.
To make them easy to memorize, you will note that I cunningly crafted them into rhyming couplets:
- IF THERE’S A GUN POINTING AT YOU, ACT LIKE A STATUE.
Rio de Janeiromay be the Cidade Maravilha, but it plays host to the largest number of armed juveniles in the world outside a war zone, beating areas of conflict such as the . Tragic but true. Occupied Territories
- IF HE’S GOT A KNIFE, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Disclaimer: Tourists should be circumspect when using this advice near travelling circuses, as knife-throwing acts are still popular in Latin American big tops.
- IF SHE’S GOT
, BEWARE THE SEX. It’s easy to make this mistake – sometimes you just can’t tell the difference, as footballing legend Ronaldo will testify, after getting all confused with three different sets of them. PECS
- IF SHE’S HIS SISTER, CALL HIM MISTER. Brazilians can be very protective of their delicious siblings, especially in small towns with lax application of gun laws and wilfully neglectful law enforcement agents.
- IF SHE’S ALMOST BARE, TRY NOT TO STARE. Women’s beach volleyball may be the best sport ever invented, but you may need to dig a strategically-placed hole in the sand when lying on Copacabana beach learning the rules.
- IF SHE THINKS YOU’RE FUNNY, SHE WANTS YOUR MONEY. If you’re not normally considered funny, beware!
- IF SHE STARTS PLAYING, SHE’S GONNA NEED PAYING. Not always the case, but don’t be caught short.
- IF HE’S WEARING A HAT, LOSE THE TWAT. A reference I have previously made to the correlation between hat wearing and idiocy in traffic. Baseball caps are the clearest sign of a fool at the wheel, followed in descending order by the Stetson, the fedora, the occasional deerstalker and, in winter, the bobble hat.
I'm thinking of turning these tips into a reasonably-priced e-book. Or you can just send me the money before reading them, if that's more convenient.
Have you got any rhyming travel tips for where you live?