...N, O, P, ARSEHOLE, R, S...
Few of my bumbling disciples know the alphabet in English, I'll wager, but, like me, few will realise the true importance of it until they are guiding an incoming Airbus A380 onto the wrong runway at Congonhas, or, as was my case, being prematurely diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome during an occupational medical.
I'd noticed the factory nurse sniggering to herself, and thought it downright unethical, given my limited language skills and piss poor pronunciation of Portuguese. Stoic as always, I soldiered on through the eye test. "Pay (P), say (C), shiss (X)..." I dutifully reeled off as the letters diminished in size and visibility, but there it was again, the little smirk, the way she turned away from me and stifled a cackle.
Seeking enlightenment, when I arrived home, I summoned Show to my antechamber and sought her advice on how to pronounce the letter "Q". "Kay," she stated flatly, "like K in English." Therein lay the rub. Vague memories of my four-year degree in Italian wafting into my overexcited memory, I had inadvertantly used the Italian pronunciation "coo", which, by happy coincidence, means "arsehole" in Portuguese.
Which was quite apt really, because the nurse was an arsehole for laughing. And she looked a bit Italian. Innit?
I'd noticed the factory nurse sniggering to herself, and thought it downright unethical, given my limited language skills and piss poor pronunciation of Portuguese. Stoic as always, I soldiered on through the eye test. "Pay (P), say (C), shiss (X)..." I dutifully reeled off as the letters diminished in size and visibility, but there it was again, the little smirk, the way she turned away from me and stifled a cackle.Seeking enlightenment, when I arrived home, I summoned Show to my antechamber and sought her advice on how to pronounce the letter "Q". "Kay," she stated flatly, "like K in English." Therein lay the rub. Vague memories of my four-year degree in Italian wafting into my overexcited memory, I had inadvertantly used the Italian pronunciation "coo", which, by happy coincidence, means "arsehole" in Portuguese.
Which was quite apt really, because the nurse was an arsehole for laughing. And she looked a bit Italian. Innit?
Labels: arsehole nurses, bloody Italians, foul language
posted by M C Ward | 21:10
4 Comments:
Ah, like 'culo' in Spanish, I s'pose, eh? Not that you could confuse 'culo' for a mere letter, of course.
Actually it reminds me of the verb 'coger' in Iberian Spanish, which means to catch, grab, take, etc. But apparently in the South American idiom it carries the meaning of 'to screw'.
So 'coger un autobus' could be some achievement if you live on the other side of the Atlantic!
In my experience, confronted with the word for "arsehole", any self-respecting Brazilian would then make an appallingly unfunny and gratuitously homophobic joke about Freddie Mercury...
You brightened up her day there. It can't be fun peering into bloodshot eyeballs and inhaling rotten cachaça breath every day. Only dentists are more demented.
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