Notes from the TEFL Graveyard

If I had any kind of “ Internet following ”, or if I were a “ digital influencer ”, I would probably steer clear of the subject of this post for fear of a mass online lynching followed by the need to publish a flat-chested apology , but as I’m in my own little corner of the blogalaxy and I can mumble away to myself largely unnoticed - brace yourself, Sheila. It was a frosty winter’s morning and I had just arrived in the staff room. “ It’s a bit Pearl Harbour ”, I quipped, a comment met by quizzical looks from my colleagues. “ There’s a nip in the air! ” If it didn’t exactly gain me a standing ovation, my play on words drew a number of chuckles and the odd wry smile. But scarcely had the sound waves been emitted by my vocal chords than a tart Glaswegian (yes, those words are the right way round, though thinking about it, they could probably be reversed) snapped, “Well, that’s a bit racist! ” At the time, I had neither the time nor the energy to wade into her as maybe I would...

Of all the oddball comments I’d heard in TEFL over the years, the words that issued from the Principal’s mouth that lunchtime definitely made the top three. Sweeping into the staffroom with his hand clasped to his brow, he blurted to no one in particular, “That idiot’s just put one of the Thai girls in a headlock ”. Books were slowly closed, and eyes cast downwards, as we strived collectively to imagine circumstances in which putting a Thai girl in a headlock would be a) necessary, or b) warranted. The Thai girls at the school at the time were all demure, unfailingly polite and cheerful , and none of them appeared likely to require incapacitating physical restraint . The “idiot” in question, whose name slips my mind, was one of the many unhinged summer teachers who’d descended out of nowhere and tricked their way onto the staff due to a long career spent teaching English all over the world. In fact, a long career in TEFL should arguably be a very good reason not to employ s...