Skip to main content

POLL RESULTS IN

The TEFL Graveyard Poll has now closed, with a staggering seven votes, two of which I made from different computers in a misguided attempt to get the ball rolling.

In answer to the question, “If I could teach English to anybody living or dead, my choice would be...”, the results, in reverse order, are as follows:

Mother Teresa (Albanian nun) – 0 votes (0 %) – Perhaps unsurprising this one. Selfless acts of altruism need no translation.

Marcel Marceau (French mime) – 0 votes (0%) – Given that Monsieur Marceau spent his life communicating in his own unique form of sign language, it can only be assumed that he didn’t even speak French, perhaps due to having no roof to his mouth or summat. Bit of a trick option that one.

Tabatha Cash (French liberal) – 1 vote (14%) – Although she has sadly now retired, I became an admirer of Ms Cash’s work as a socially inept adolescent. I’ve always wondered about her opinions on the future of European Union integration and whether the Maastricht Treaty was really a fair deal for all member states. There was a time when I’d have been more than willing to pump her for information on these and other issues of national sovereignty (provided there were no cameras involved), but a man can only send fan mail thrice-weekly for so many years before a reluctance to enter into dialogue becomes a restraining order.

Genghis Khan (Mongolian Club 18-30* Rep) – 2 votes (28%) – Two courageous educators elected the widely-feared oriental marauder as their number one choice. Imagine how history might have taken a different, less scorched path had a bilingual GK been able to make pacts with neighbouring nations over a cup of tea rather than just sack, burn and depredate. The Volga Bulgars may even have beaten the British to industrialisation.

David Beckham (English Club 18-30 pin-up) – 4 votes (57%) – Comment is unnecessary.

* - Club 18-30, formerly known as the Young Conservatives, is a British youth training charity that aims to promote the acquisition of life skills through study abroad programs. Their motto, unofficially attributed to ex-Tory Chancellor of the Exchequer, Norman Lamont, is “Nothing is sacred, if it's going to be a good laugh then we're in.”
Labels:

Comments

Anonymous said…
I chose Genghis Khan for precisely the reasons you stated. Plus trying to teach Beckham would be too frustrating.
10 October 2007 at 04:42
M C Ward said…
You're as wise as you are brave.
10 October 2007 at 16:40
The Sandpit Scullion said…
Is it too late to add a vote for ... Cliff Richards? Or wasn't he on the ballot sheet, anyway?
14 October 2007 at 16:02
The Sandpit Scullion said…
PS: I have noticed that your grasp of the intricacies of the English language appears to be slipping; namely...

"Although now retired, I became an admirer of Ms Cash’s work as a socially inept adolescent"

Come on, now - pay attention Taffy! It reads as though YOU have retired, and that Ms Cash was a socially inept adolescent!!

Had me in stitches, though, boyo!
14 October 2007 at 16:05
M C Ward said…
You're quite right, much as I'd like to have retired, I'm merely resting. I will make the necessary adjustments.
14 October 2007 at 19:08
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

NO MORE A-CUSSIN'

In an effort to rid himself of the habit of using foul language at the slightest provocation , a Facebook chum recently asked for suggestions for harmless expressions he could use in front of his Gran and her bingo clique during moments of high stress, astonishment and/or extreme disappointment. I weighed in with, " Crikey! " and, " Great Scott! " Please feel free to add your suggestions, and help to make the world a tiny bit less like a trucker's stopover in Eindhoven .
12 comments
Read more

6 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT WARDY

The splendid Gyppo Byard has kindly requested that I write six random things about myself. I note that the adjective "interesting" didn't feature, thankfully, so here goes: According to my late father's genealogical rummaging, I am (very) distantly related to Sir Francis Drake (or Sir Walter Raleigh , I forget which); I've suffered two bouts of severe clinical depression (the last 17 years ago) and used to suffer panic attacks. I regained my fragile sanity without recourse to professional help or drugs, partly by reading Free to Be Human by David Edwards, a personal friend with whom I have shared many a beery night over the years. In fact, it may have been the beery nights that cured me, who knows?; When I was a baby I used to hum songs from the hit parade in my cot, way before I could talk, leading my father to predict that I was some kind of musical genius . Later attempts to learn the violin at primary school proved his optimism spectacularly unfounded ; De...
16 comments
Read more

FOOLING WITH SCHOOLING

One of the commonest figures to be found within TEFL is the aspiring administrator. This is a teacher who, often drained by years of repetitive, poorly remunerated clowning around in the classroom, seeks a position managing other teachers, such as Director of Studies (aptly and attractively known as "Doss"), from which they can sit in an imaginary TEFL director’s chair smoking a cigar, bellowing, “CUT!” and enjoying not having to pull a linguistic rabbit out of a hat twelve times a day, five days a week. I include myself within this TEFL subgenre, although my past experiences of administration have left me with an odd yearning to get back into the classroom and be king of my own modest sandcastle. In 2005, whilst I was working in HR at a local factory, my Brazilian friend Bert and I decided to start our own school. I had recently managed to wriggle out of a honey trap I’d set for myself, when I offered to give a free English course to my colleagues in the factory’s Training a...
19 comments
Read more